Sabotage

image

I love to watch The Morning Sun cast the first rays of daylight on to the mountains in the desert. Watching the countryside become bathed in the light of a new day reminds me of the days when I knew everything. It is the one sure thing in life, the rising sun, the setting sun; an endless cycle of life and death. The sunrise always brings hope and the promise of a new day in life, and in spirit.

I recently applied for new job. Four of them to be exact, these prospects have made me tentatively hopeful for the future, but they also did something else. Remember last week, I spoke about being a dick to my family. I blamed writing, and a bunch of other nonsense, but the truth that I did not want to name, was that it was this prospects for a new future that made me feel out of control.

In recent time, I have become the master my own destiny. It is this fact that has made me feel more free than I ever have. For the first time in a while, I put a gate keeper between me and my future. The feeling it had created in me was one that contradicts all I believe. To leave in the mastery of my own destiny in the hands of a stranger.

Once I put a gate keeper between me and my future (i.e. An interview panel) immediately felt out of control, and reverted to old habits.

What it has taken me days to figure out, is that this changes nothing. Even if I do move on to a different career, I am still a writer. Just as doing what I do for a day job now leaves me the opportunity to write, so will the next. What it all boils down to, is being emotionally attached to an idea.

I do not want to admit this, but this prospect in particular , will afford me much time to focus on my lifes work, well still having more time to spend with my wife and children. It seems like a win win right? So what’s the problem you ask? There isn’t one. Just old habits of personal sabotage.

Dear reader, I hope that while reading this you think about how what I do to myself is wrong. I hope that you apply it to your life, step out of your comfort zone, and take any opportunity to better yourself. As I always say, you are worth it. So am I.

3 thoughts on “Sabotage

  1. “I hope that you apply it to your life, step out of your comfort zone, and take any opportunity to better yourself. As I always say, you are worth it.” – these words touched me today. I’ve been living in a cycle that sustains me but doesn’t fulfill me. I want to have the courage to take a risk, but am fearful of leaving the familiar (even if its unpleasant). Thanks for sharing those words because it makes me a little more courageous!

    • Your words mean more to me than you might realize. Thank you so very much. Carpe Diem dear friend. Next year you will be a year older whether you take the leap or not, might as well jump. If you do, I hope you soar!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s