These words are venom. It is the sting of of the fangs piercing the skin on my facade, the words dripping with realization of how I am. I feel though, but this is the only way to shed such behavior by sharing it with you and as a result – me.
For all of my adult life, I have been what I like to think of as a transient friend. I never hang around too long, I never share too much. As a matter of fact, if you are reading this in cyberspace you probably know more about me that most people who have known me in meatspace.
I like to keep it light. I do not tend to give of myself anything damming, nor do I tend to confront; A safe distance. For some reason though, in a public forum like this, or as a vocalist on stage I am prone to make myself vulnerable by sharing these holes in my character; showing the cracks in my otherwise polished surface.
Why? No clue.
There is an ideology of sorts I suppose behind living in honesty, but I do not know where that practice began in me. Perhaps it is that I have spent time in my life living the other way, lying to the worst person I could have lied to.
All I know is I have friends who I really do care about, then after a while I just drift off again. Sorry about that- it is not personal, it is just who I am.
This post was written a while ago, which is different for me. Usually I am experiencing whatever emotion is expressed in an entry, but in this case it is second hand. It is no less true, just different for me so I thought I should share.